


Closest to My Heart

by much_ado



Series: Commissions [1]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Alcohol, M/M, Mutual Pining, Reunions
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-18
Updated: 2018-07-18
Packaged: 2019-06-12 06:23:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,753
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15333762
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/much_ado/pseuds/much_ado
Summary: It's been more than five years since Tanaka watched Ennoshita walk away after their graduation, and the distance between them feels greater than ever.The old team is getting back together, though, so maybe (just maybe) this is his chance.





	Closest to My Heart

**Author's Note:**

  * For [MelodyDrake](https://archiveofourown.org/users/MelodyDrake/gifts).



Tanaka ran his fingers through his hair, trying to get it to lay the way he wanted it to. Sometimes he missed his old close-shaved look; it at least made things easier. It had been time for a change, though. He still kept it shaved on the sides, but he’d let the top grow out into a loose, curly mess. He usually didn’t bother with trying to tame it, but… the old team was meeting up for drinks tonight. And that meant _Ennoshita_ would be there.

A couple of years had passed since the last time he’d seen Ennoshita. He’d gone to a university in America, studying film like he’d always dreamed, while Tanaka went to a local school in Sendai. Ennoshita spent a year after graduation travelling the world, while Tanaka worked at a restaurant. He tried to remind himself that it was just Ennoshita, that they were _friends_ , but it felt like Ennoshita was more out of his reach than ever, even though he was back in the country now. 

Tanaka dropped his hands, giving up on his ridiculous mop of hair. Maybe he really should just shave it again. He stepped out of the bathroom, dropping his towel on the chair by his bed and grabbing his clothes. He’d laid them out the night before, like a goddamn teenage girl. He felt ridiculous for it, but he was enough of a ball of nerves without having to worry about choosing clothes right now. It was a good outfit, too—his best dark jeans, a green henley, and a long charcoal grey cardigan Saeko had gotten him for Christmas. When he was dressed, he looked in the mirror, pulling a face at himself. Well, it would have to do.

~~~

The izakaya where they’d agreed to meet was close by, so Tanaka decided to walk. He needed that extra bit of time to calm his nerves. He stuffed his hands in his pockets, sighing and physically shaking himself. He was being ridiculous.

He was a block away still when he was greeted by a loud shout.

“RYUU!!!”

His face perked up at the familiar voice. 

“NOYA-SAN!” he called back, picking up his pace. When he got closer, a Noya-shaped blur shot towards him, leaping at him in a flying tackle. Ryuu’s breath was knocked out of his lungs as Noya collided with him—Noya hadn’t grown much since high school, but he was a world-class athlete, which meant he was 160 centimeters and change of pure, solid muscle. Ryuu laughed, stumbling backwards but just barely managing to stay on his feet.

“Shit, it’s good to see you,” Tanaka said. “It’s been too long, man.”

Since Noya had gone pro, his busy training schedule had made it hard for them to find time, especially factoring in the distance between Miyagi and Tokyo. 

“It has, it has,” Noya said as Tanaka set him on his feet. “Speaking of which,” he added, gesturing over his shoulder. Tanaka’s eyes followed the motion, and landed on Ennoshita, who was standing casually a short distance away, watching the pair of them with a relaxed smile on his face. Tanaka swallowed thickly, the nerves that had receded as he reunited with Noya suddenly flying back in full force.

Ennoshita was wearing dark olive khakis and a relaxed, pale blue button down. He had a jacket thrown over his shoulder and a thick grey scarf wound around his neck, and there was a sturdy canvas bag over his shoulder—a camera bag, knowing him. His hair had grown longer, falling down around his eyes and framing his face, which looked a little more defined, older—but the soft, easy smile he gave Tanaka was exactly the same. 

Fuck. 

“Tanaka,” he said, and his voice made Tanaka a bit weak in the knees. “It’s good to see you.”

“Right back atcha, Ennoshita-san,” Tanaka said, with what he hoped what his customary grin. “Lookin’ good,” he allowed himself, hoping it was a normal enough thing to say to a friend he hadn’t seen in a long while. 

“Thanks. You too—I love the hair,” Ennoshita said, and Tanaka couldn’t help but duck his head, feeling a flush spread slowly across his cheeks. 

“Thanks,” he said, laughing nervously and running his fingers through the unruly locks. “I was just ready for a change, y’know?”

“Yeah, I get that. Well, it suits you.” Ennoshita said. 

“Hey, let’s go inside! Daichi and Asahi are already in there,” Noya said, interrupting the reunion. Tanaka shook himself, and gestured for Ennoshita to go first. 

They filed in, and Tanaka quickly shrugged off his sweater—it was nice and toasty inside. He watched as Ennoshita unwound the scarf from his neck, slinging it over an arm along with his jacket. 

Daichi ushered them over, quickly getting everyone’s drink orders and buying them all a round. Tanaka felt a bit better with a beer in his hand—the liquid courage would no doubt help, but also drinking gave him something to do when there was a lull in the conversation. 

The rest of the old team filed in slowly. Suga showed up by himself, but for the most part everyone trickled in by pairs—Tsukishima and Yamaguchi, Narita and Kinoshita, Hinata and Kageyama. By some miracle, they’d actually managed to find a night when everyone was free, while they were all home for Christmas and the new year. 

It was interesting, seeing how everyone had changed—or in some cases, how they _hadn’t_ changed. Hinata and Kageyama were both much the same—they both wore their hair a little shorter, but by their behavior and interactions you could hardly tell a day had gone by since high school. Tsukishima had gotten contacts, so the lack of his usual glasses threw everyone for a bit of a loop. Yamaguchi might have changed the most. The nervousness they all remembered was nowhere to be seen, replaced by an easy confidence that sat surprisingly well on him. His hair was almost as long as Asahi’s, pulled into a messy ponytail, and he had small black plugs in his ears. 

As the night went on, the freely flowing drinks loosened everybody’s lips until they were practically shouting across the table at each other, exchanging details of their daily lives, or reminiscing on stories of their past. 

Even though so much had changed, it was easy to feel like not a single day had really passed. Tanaka certainly felt that way. The butterflies in his stomach were just the same, as was the rush of heat to his cheeks when Ennoshita smiled in his direction. 

It had been more than five years since they had graduated from high school, and his feelings hadn’t changed one bit. 

He remembered their graduation day so vividly. They all met outside the school afterwards, diplomas in hand. Ennoshita was smiling, and petals from the cherry blossoms were floating through the air like they were in a shoujo manga. Tanaka had been toying with his second button all day, working up the nerves, but when the moment came—

_“Good luck in America, Ennoshita-san,”_ he’d said. 

After that he’d watched Ennoshita walk away, every step feeling like oceans separating them. 

“Oi, Tanaka,” someone said. “ _Ta-na-ka.”_

“Huh?” he said, his head popping up as he was snapped out of his memories. 

Ennoshita chuckled. “You were spacing out, man.”

“Oh,” Tanaka said. “Sorry.” He offered a sheepish grin, feeling his cheeks flush with heat. 

“You’ve been kinda quiet tonight,” Ennoshita said.

“I have?” Tanaka said, his brows drawing together.

“For you, at least.”

“That’s fair,” he said with a slightly nervous laugh. “I’ve just been… thinking, I guess.”

“Don’t hurt yourself.”

“Oh, shut it!” Tanaka snapped, but this time his laugh was genuine and unforced. 

“What were you thinking about?” Ennoshita asked, propping his chin on one hand. 

“Oh, just…” Tanaka started, not sure how to explain without giving away the fact that he’d basically been thinking about how stupidly in love with Ennoshita he still was, “how different things are, I guess. And how not different.”

“Getting deep on me, huh?”

“Nah,” Tanaka said. “I’m still just me.”

“You’ve never been _just_ anything,” Ennoshita said, and Tanaka couldn’t help the heat that bloomed in his chest at the words. It didn’t mean anything, he knew it didn’t, but Ennoshita spoke the words with such sincerity he couldn’t help his reaction. 

“I guess I’ll take that as a compliment,” Tanaka replied finally.

“Good, because I meant it as one,” Ennoshita said, and the full weight of that soft, warm smile was directed at Tanaka. It was _too much._ He could feel the heat rushing to his cheeks, and he had no way to hide. 

He was saved by Noya, who chose that moment to—very loudly and exuberantly—begin regaling them all with a play-by-play reenactment of his latest match against the team Oikawa was now playing on. He appeared to be using a pint glass as a stand-in for the volleyball, and Daichi and Asahi were both hovering beside him, their eyes anxiously following the glass. 

Tanaka made an effort not to space out again after that, rejoining the conversation with at least most of his usual enthusiasm. He couldn’t help the way his eyes strayed frequently to Ennoshita, though. At some point Ennoshita had pulled out a camera—a fancy-looking one that Tanaka wouldn’t _begin_ to know how to use—and was snapping candids of everyone, smiling occasionally at what Tanaka had to assume was a particularly good shot. 

It was really unfair how good he looked. 

Tanaka did his best not to stare, but of course when he did slip up Ennoshita caught him at it. Tanaka jumped, and made to look away, but Ennoshita just lifted his camera, pointing it at Tanaka and snapping a picture, shooting him a cheeky grin. 

When Tanaka pulled a face at him, that too was recorded for posterity. 

~~~

Their table was piled with empty glasses by the time they began to call it a night. 

Suga was the first to leave; his boyfriend was waiting up for him and he didn’t want to stay out too late. Tsukishima and Yamaguchi followed not too long after, and Tanaka was amused to watch Tsukishima’s lanky figure swaying drunkenly as they walked out. 

When the rest of their senpai and kouhai had trickled out, the remaining five of them got up and made their way outside, quickly bundling up when the cold air hit them. Kinoshita and Narita said their goodbyes—Kinoshita was staying over at Narita’s for the weekend, and wanted to go get settled in. Noya left a few minutes later after a massive yawn escaped him; apparently with his training schedule he was really not used to late nights anymore. 

Once Noya rounded the corner, Tanaka and Ennoshita were left alone together. The butterflies, which had calmed considerably over the course of the evening, were back in full force. Tanaka swallowed thickly.

“And then there were two,” Ennoshita said with a soft chuckle. 

“Yeah,” Tanaka agreed softly, staring up at the night sky. 

“It was really good to see you again, Tanaka,” Ennoshita said. He was smiling, and utterly genuine, but Tanaka could feel his stomach drop. 

This was it. They would exchange a few more pleasantries, and then he would have to watch Ennoshita walk away again. And this time… who knew how far away he’d go. 

“I guess I should get going,” Ennoshita said, thumbing at the strap of his camera bag. 

Tanaka nodded robotically, even as his mind was screaming at him to stop. He didn’t—he didn’t want Ennoshita to leave. He couldn’t let him walk away again. 

“Wait!” Tanaka said, too suddenly and too loudly, judging by the way Ennoshita jumped. “Sorry, sorry, I just… do you want to maybe… go for a walk?”

Ennoshita’s face softened, and he smiled. 

“I’d like that,” he said. 

They fell into step beside each other, not paying much attention to where they were going. They walked mostly in silence—on Tanaka’s end because he was so wrapped up in his own thoughts. He was fiddling mindlessly with one of the buttons on his sweater, willing his steps to slow like it would make this moment last longer. 

Before he knew it, their seemingly aimless steps had taken them to the gates of their old school. 

“Ah, Karasuno,” Ennoshita said, a nostalgic grin on his face. “Seems like just yesterday that we graduated sometimes, doesn’t it?”

Tanaka froze.

His fingers, where they’d been fiddling with his sweater, splayed slowly across his chest. Right over his heart.

Right where the second button on his gakuran would have been. 

He knew, in that moment, what he had to do. There was a strange sense of clarity that came with it, the mess of emotions in his chest resolving themselves into one. 

“Tanaka?” Ennoshita said, tilting his head at him. “You okay? You’ve been a little off tonight.”

“Y-yeah. I think I am. Or anyways, I will be. I hope,” he said, rambling out of nerves. 

“You lost me there,” Ennoshita said. 

Tanaka let out a slow, deep breath. “Yeah, I know. I um. I need to tell you something. It’s… I should have told you a long time ago, but I wasn’t sure how you would react. Now, though… well, I’m still not sure how you’ll react, but I don’t think I’ll be able to forgive myself if I don’t tell you this time,” he said, grimacing slightly at the clumsiness of his words. 

“Okay,” Ennoshita said. His voice sounded nervous, but his smile was as reassuring as ever. “You know you can tell me anything.”

“I hope so,” Tanaka said, staring at his feet while he worked up the courage, feeling the words stick in his throat when he so much as thought about saying them. He just had to get the words out. Like ripping off a bandaid.

“I like you,” he said, too loud and too blunt. “Shit, that sounds dumb. I…” he lifted his chin, forcing himself to look Ennoshita in the eye. “I _love_ you. I’m in love with you, Chikara.”

Ennoshita’s mouth fell open, forming a perfect ‘o’. He stared back as Tanaka forced himself to hold his ground, even as nerves made him wish the earth would open up and swallow him whole. 

“Sorry. I know—I mean, I understand if you don’t feel the same way. I just… needed to—”

Ennoshita cut him off, stepping forward and curling one hand gently around the back of Tanaka’s neck. 

“Tanaka…” he said. “ _Ryuu.”_ He leaned forward, pressing his forehead against Tanaka’s. After a moment he withdrew his hand, reaching down towards his bag. He unbuckled it, pulling out his camera and turning it on. He pressed a few buttons, then held it out to Tanaka.

“I don’t—” Tanaka started, raising his hands in front of him. He was nervous about even _touching_ the camera. He knew Ennoshita’s cameras were basically his babies. 

“These are the pictures I took tonight. Please, just… just look.”

Tanaka reached out, gingerly accepting the camera from him. Ennoshita indicated the arrow buttons, and Tanaka started scrolling through. The first few were group shots—candids of everyone laughing and drinking together. As Tanaka scrolled further through the night, though…

“They’re… they’re of me,” he said, his mouth dry. By the time he got to the picture Ennoshita had taken of him staring, and the one of him pulling a face, there had already been at least ten pictures just of him. There were more after that, too. “Why?”

Ennoshita laughed. “Why do you think?”

Tanaka’s heart leaped, latching onto what he thought—what he _hoped—_ Ennoshita was saying. 

“You—” he said, staring at Ennoshita. 

Ennoshita took the camera back, putting it safely away before he stepped forward again, taking Tanaka’s face gently in both his hands. 

“Yeah,” he said. “I love you too, Ryuu.”

Tanaka blinked several times, staring at Ennoshita while his words sank in. 

“Say it again,” he said finally, his voice strange and thick. 

Ennoshita laughed, and it was light and full of joy. “I love you,” he said.

Tanaka felt a wobbly smile spread across his face, and he reached forward nervously to set his hands at Ennoshita’s waist. 

“Can I… can I kiss you?” Tanaka asked. 

Ennoshita smiled at him, a little bit coy. “I’d be disappointed if you didn’t.”

And Tanaka—well, he would hate to disappoint. 


End file.
